I have always been a believer that God has a plan for my life, after all I was raised a Presbyterian. (Presbyterian) Now, in my mind, the plan is much more of just a general idea rather than a roadmap for me to follow. Because…free will. I have definitely taken full advantage of the gift of free will throughout most of my deeper discernments and decisions. It has more than once helped me to answer the question, “To what is God calling me?” when option A or option B don’t seem to be the winning choice. Unfortunately, the reality is that we have no way that we can be certain of the plan so we simply ponder what God might desire of us through deciphering our own desires. It is not an easy feat. Note: Currently, I lean more towards the word plan as opposed to will and lately have even replaced that with desire. Try it out and notice how much more generous God becomes when we identify God’s desire for us in place of God’s will.
There have been several occasions in my life that I believed I was following my life path only to be surprised that things didn't seem to go as well as they could have. Then years later, I would feel myself returning to what felt like a similar place and decision on the journey for a second go around and this time things went much more smoothly, perhaps more according to the plan. Some of these were job changes or geographical moves and no one could have been more surprised than me that it wasn’t all a booming success on the first attempt. Could it be that I was pushing things ahead of their natural order or was it that I was not the only variable in the equation?
Here is an example: Many years ago, I left public education long before I could financially afford to retire and so a new act was definitely in order. For the second time in my life I was unemployed with no job on the horizon but this one had been my own making. I put my trust completely in the void, somehow knowing that whatever was meant for me would appear. A mentor of mine made contact and invited me to come take a look at the exciting things that were going on at the Nativity Schools in San Jose. I was absolutely stunned by what I saw and couldn't help but be swept away with the enthusiasm pervading that place; however I was simply in no condition, physically, mentally or, spiritually to take on the challenge that was being laid at my feet. I thanked him, knowing full well that this might be my only opportunity to be a part of a school that truly was making a difference. Fast forward two years into the future and the shoe was on the other foot. I was the one asking for the chance to be a part of the Nativity program. In the end, it all worked out and I signed the contract to teach seventh grade English and Religion. The question is, was the plan for me to be there in 2011 or 2013?; was it my free will that was interceding and disrupting or delaying the plan. The only fact I can infer with certainty is that it was both my and God’s desire to land at Nativity.
Here’s another. Looking back, one of the most joyful surprises in my life crossed my path just a couple years ago when my family grew by one. It was not a new baby and it was really quite unexpected; on the most ordinary of days we all discovered that we had another sister. My siblings and I had been led to Ancestry.com; some of us could see the goal of the search and how it would end but I was really quite oblivious to it, making the pot of gold at the end all the more glorious. This amazing person who was to become my sister had been released into the world to grow into who she would become but it would take more than 60 years for us to find one another. And that meeting then turned into one of those path crossing events that would change me forever. Was this someone else’s plan playing out with me as the happy recipient?
I do believe that God has a plan for my life but I also believe that I have been given free will to alter the plan or take the longer way around as you would on trails through the woods to more deeply appreciate the view, or perhaps make a detour and come back around to the plan at a later date, or even completely avoid the plan altogether. There is ample evidence that all of these options have been at play in my life history. But here is the thing that I am gradually coming to understand; the plan is not operating in a vacuum. The plan involves not only my life but also plans for other people's lives. I could only accept the teaching position at Nativity the second time around if and when it was available, meaning someone else's life plan had to include a move away from Nativity in order for me to slide in. It seems that all of the people involved in a possible scenario are operating with each of their personal plans while simultaneously with my own. So on those occasions when I start down a path and I momentarily lose sight of it, it may not be under my control; perhaps another of the main characters in the scenario has unbeknownst to me changed course leaving me to retrace my steps back to where I began.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin's poem about the "slow work of God" has always been one of my favorites and helps in my understanding of how God’s desires take hold in me but are dependent upon the world.
Patient Trust
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
So now the dilemma for thoughtful humans becomes: are the unpredictable movements of the people involved part of that slow work or is God as surprised as we are by how and when the plans work? Whichever is true, I marvel at the complexity of life and how our experiences are obliged to be lived out in relationship with one another. Unknowingly, we are all totally and completely dependent on each other and simultaneously on God's desire. We are, each of us, born into families making us inherently part of a community from our first breath that goes about the work of supporting one another. From our first days we learn to seek out love and compassion, mercy and forgiveness so that we might each fulfill our purpose in the world and live out the plan. We grow in spirituality and self-reflection and as we look back, it appears that we have moved into and through one another’s lives at the exact times we were most needed and become a part of a body that walks together. We are companions on a journey through the sorrows and joys that are all part of our human existence. I give thanks for all those people who God has gifted to me on my own journey. They each remind me of the slow work of which we are all a part as we live out our deepest desires.
I love this discussion of God's will/plan/desire!